I’m not very good at keeping up on current events, unfortunately. It really is something I wish I could change about myself. I keep thinking, maybe I should watch the news sometimes, instead of cartoons. But the few times I’ve turned on the news, I’ve been disappointed with the lack of falling anvils on people’s heads. And believe me, some of those anchor people really need anvils falling on their heads.

From what I’ve been able to pick up from hearsay, our current president is kind of dumb and does bad things. Just from thinking about things in my daily life, I tend to agree. So many things are harder than they need to be and just don’t make sense. Like, if the universe is constantly expanding, why can I still never find a parking space near my apartment building? That might not be the president’s doing, seeing as how he probably doesn’t have anything directly to do with the parking authority in my area, much less the physics of space, time, gravity and matter, but still, it’s annoying.

I don’t know if the president or any of his friends read my blog. Probably not, but you never know. Just in case he does, I’d like to go ahead and just say that I sincerely hope, no matter what other stupid things he might do, that he and all the vice-presidents and stuff don’t repeal the law of gravity. I mean, it’s been around since the days of the Constitution, and I think it’s a very helpful, good thing. I think we can all agree that gravity helps us all to live much better lives. In fact, I can’t think of anyone who might disagree with that, but I guess that’s the magic of democracy: Everyone has their opinion and the ones who believe it the strongest win, or something. I’d like to hear someone give me a good reason to take away gravity, but so far I haven’t talked to anyone that can give me even ONE. Maybe it’s because I don’t live in one of those flyover states with all those yokels.

Without gravity, I would have trouble getting up in the morning, because, well, I’d probably be sleeping on my ceiling and, therefore, already up. So, the real problem would be getting down in the morning, and that would be difficult too. And making eggs for breakfast would be a real bitch, what with keeping the eggs down in the frying pan long enough to make them crispy. I’m not even sure how I’d go about doing that. See how unprepared I am for this? ARE YOU LISTENING MR. PRESIDENT? And the worst part about it is, I don’t even like eggs. I never eat them. If the gravity is repealed and I have to start eating eggs, I might just barf.

I just watched the movie Flight Plan the other night, and I thought, “Gee, if gravity didn’t exist, that movie would never have been made. Because if there were no gravity, there would be no need for air travel because people could just float to freakin’ Seattle, or wherever the hell they’re going, and Jodi Foster would have been more likely to lose her daughter to her getting caught in electrical wires than to evil stewardesses (sorry if you didn’t see it and I just gave away the ending; to be honest I didn’t even watch the end and I just guessed what happened).” So, in one fell swoop, you have the end of the airline industry and the end of movies about planes, which would, I imagine, create some kind of crazy crap to happen with the stock market. Not that I own stock, but still.

Speaking of electrical wires, I’m sure electricity needs gravity to flow. I mean, I’m no doctor, but it just makes sense.

So, in closing, I’d give Flight Plan about three stars. The plot had a lot of holes and not a lot of character development, but you can’t lose with a star like Jodi Foster. It’s great to have her back on the big screen.