Ah yes, the blog. Almost forgot I had one.

I’m sort of at a loss for things to say lately. Should I talk about the past? Should I talk about the post-past? (I guess they call that they present.) Should I make up more things to make my life sound more interesting than it is? Or is the mere description of my day-to-day life all that’s needed to entertain?

I don’t know. I think I’ll do away with my usual habit of thinking, and just say whatever comes out. Just to get the juices flowing.

Sometimes I like letting things get messy and dirty just for that feeling I get when I eventually do tidy up, and then for days afterwards I’m in the constant state of “Whoa…it’s so clean.”

In old cheesy 80’s action movies, whenever the hero would shoot and kill some nameless bad guy, I used to wonder if that character’s mother would hear about it, and how she would feel. I mean, yes, he was working for a terrorist trying to destroy the world, but she held him when he was a baby.

Along those lines perhaps, when I played soccer when I was little, I sometimes had problems getting myself properly motivated for games. What did I have against the other team? What did they do to me that would cause me to want to kick the ball into their territory and into their net? So I played defense, and I was very good, because I would become genuinely incensed when their offensive players got anywhere near my goal. Fucking dicks.

Alanis Morissette was really pissed off there for a while. I’m glad she seems to have dealt with it. What’s up with that Aflac duck though? Always yelling.

Quick story, and totally true: One time some guy named John that was dating my ex-girlfriend cast a love spell on me, which really worked, and then a week later he jumped out of the top floor of the Cathedral of Learning at Pitt University, thus turning the spell into a ten-year curse. I’m really glad that’s over.

There’s more to that story, but I just wanted to get the gist of it.

Mail trucks remind me of bees. Mail trucks: Stop, drop the mail, drive forward a little, repeat. Bees: land on flower, collect pollen, fly to the next one, repeat. And the front of old Jeeps look like those spiders with big eyes and smaller fake eyes under them. My friend Justin said that once in 11th grade and I thought it was so cool because I’d always thought that. Justin was always saying things I had thought all my life.

Dude! Look out for that giant snow spider behind you!

Don’t be scared. I’m a vehicle.